Jackisms
Whenever we have dinner together (Deb, Jack, Miki and myself), my buddy Jack has a knack for uttering the most crass thing imaginable whenever a waitress is about to place something on our table. He doesn't always do it intentionally--most of the time it's just a result of unfortunate (for the waitress) timing. Take tonight, for example. I can't remember what he was referring to (I laughed so hard, I forgot 4 weeks worth of chemistry, not to mention whatever the hell he was talking about), but just as the cute, young waitress in the Mexican restaurant we were dining in was bending over him, placing a pitcher of Sangria on the table, this spewed forth from Jack's lips "...Yeah, well it's like eating pussy. One slip of the tongue and you're deep in shit."
Even in the dim candle light, I could see the poor thing turn 27 shades of crimson before she ran off, giggling hysterically. We didn't see her for the rest of the night, but as we were paying the check we were informed that Jack's dessert was "on the house."