Head Rush: Special Ed

July 16, 2002

Special Ed

Special Ed
It’s official. I have sunk to a new educational low. I’ll be taking the little yellow schoolbus to class with my Scooby Doo lunch box. OK, I know, it’s not PC to bust on the mentally handicapped (especially since I am sure there’s a very special category in there for me). However, the difference in students at the university at which I am currently taking classes is vastly different (I'm holding back from calling them retards) from the one at which I am officially a post-bacc pre-med student. Vastly. So, call me an educational snob. At School A, where I usually attend classes, the students act with maturity and composure. And they're, for all intents and purposes, smart. Even most of the profs do their research down the road at Yale.
Apparently, at this institution (I'll call it School B), it’s perfectly OK to yell out random thoughts as the mood stikes you. And address profs by first names. Or make fun of their accent. Or mock them. For example, the fine young woman (ha) sitting adjacent to me, who, to the best of my knowledge was not suffering from Tourette’s, would periodically make an "announcement." For example, 20 minutes into the class, she announced “Hey Doc! I gotta pee!” and got up to relieve herself. (Thankfully, she did manage to find her way to the ladies room and refrained from squatting in the corner.) Or, giving a clear indication of her mathematical prowess, she bellowed “Hey Doc! I have a headache from all this math (simple algebra) can we take a break?” He obliged. Twice, even. Or, “Hey everyone [holding up the text book], the answer (to the prof’s question) is right here in the book! Really! Look!” Or, my personal favorite, “Hey Doc, do we get an extra credit point for answering questions correctly? Cuz I’m keeping track in the back of my notebook, OK?”
Good god.
The big clue that I was in for a fun 5 weeks was when my classmate with the apparent lack of gray matter and malformed cranium asked me what page we were on -- she was rapidly flipping through the text, trying to find the same page I was on by looking at the pictures. I quickly pointed to the upper left corner in her textbook where one could locate the page number.
Sigh.
She replied with “Thanks! Say, ma’am, what’s your major?”
Ma’am? My facial twitches must have indicated she was about to have a near death experience by the look in her eyes (which, by the way, clearly indicated not much was happening on the other side of her gelatinous orbits).
Between gritted teeth I mumbled, “I already have my degree.”
“Oh, cool! That’s so cool!”
Really. I’m cool. News to me. I had no idea I’m cool because I have my degree. For some reason, I thought that the point of taking a class such as this was either to obtain a degree or fulfill a requirement for another one. I mean, who the fuck takes chemistry during the summer for fun? I know you’re dying to know but, no, I didn’t have the courage or the stomach to ask why she was taking the class. If she said she was pre-med, I would have shoved my hand into my own head and ripped my brain out and tossed it into the trash.

Tonight we have lab. I’m willing to bet we don’t use flammables.

Posted by LA at July 16, 2002 12:38 PM

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