Right now my neighbor, who has lived behind me for 2 years and has never uttered a "hello" or even an acknowledging grunt, is walking around her backyard meowing. Loudly. The thing is, she doesn't own a cat. At least as far as I can tell. So, if she's just pretending to be a cat, would it be wrong for me to go along with her charade and bean her in the back of her head with a boot?

Right now I've had it with all things feline. I threw in the towel this morning in my year-long crusade to prevent the neighborhood cats from crapping in my vegetable garden. It is designed as a Zen garden, with sand paths, raised beds and a shady dogwood tree. You know - a place of peace and tranquility and hairy green tomato worms. However, being so unbearably low on the food chain, cats are stupid creatures and have decided that sand=litter. So, even though I refuse to clean our own cat boxes (that's the wife's job), I've been sifting cat crap from around my hot cherry peppers all summer. Even putting up a wire mesh barrier along the fence didn't deter the little bastards. I even took to flinging feces back over to my crazy neighbor's house (different annoying neighbor) a few weeks ago -- rumor has it she has something like 20 cats. If she is so fond of them, then she wouldn't mind little petrified mementos of her brood, now, would she?
Today, after a startling realization that my neighbor was obviously feeding her cats at something altogether unnatural, I raised the white flag. At 7:30am, we promptly ventured to Home Depot to buy "decorative rocks" and filled the sand beds with them. I was voting for broken glass, but the thought of screaming kitties at 3:00am was enough to persuade me to go with the pebbles. So rocks it is. And I must say, it looks great.
As for my meowing neighbor behind me, I've got more than enough dog droppings to share. I'm thinking of spreading the love ...