10 Things I Am and Am Not

Well, here's my dykewrite writing assignment -- enjoy.

10 Things I Am and Am Not

I am:

1. Hot. As in temperature. (Well, yes, I'm incredibly sexy, but that's not what I was referring to) Right now, it’s really hot in my office. And every time I open the window to get a cool breeze, 27 yellow jackets fly in and try to attack me. My officemate saves me everyday. I think hearing a lesbian scream unnerves him.

2. Positive that small animals could learn to eat cake instead of insects and that we most certainly can do without several lower levels of the food chain.

3. Certain that laughing hard and often is the only way to live your life.

4. Completely in awe of survivors. I’ve never fought off an illness that quite possibly could have killed me. The strength I see in [insert illness here] survivors, how they carry themselves every day, how they keep on living life, how they let it affect them in a positive way is something I think I could never have the strength to do.

5. Trying to be cautious of making sweeping generalizations. I slip more often than I’m sure I’m aware of.

6. Someone who curses way the fuck too much.

7. A lot more even-tempered than I was 10 years ago, and 180 degrees from what I was 20 years ago.

8. Too often too forgiving. Too often too tolerant.

9. Baffled by the three hairs growing on my big toe where I had poison ivy a few weeks ago.

I am not:

74. So hot at math.

2. At all impressed by fame or fortune. Matter of fact, both bore me. Yawn.

3. The jealous type. Unless someone’s flirting with my wife. Then I usually just put their head through a wall and poof! Jealousy problem solved.

4. Religious.

5. A virgin. Unless ... well, I'm not sure if that counted. Hmm.

6. The antichrist.

7. In the greatest shape. But I am working on it.

8. A member of the NRA. Fuck ‘em. Ha.

9. In the mood to spend 5 weeks in a chemistry class. But I’m going to do it anyway.

Posted by LA at June 24, 2002 04:05 PM