No, that's not how I am spending my weekend. Maybe 20 years ago, but certainly not now. So, what's with the Jay and Silent Bob quote?
Blame my mother -- she started it.
For my parents' anniversary a few months ago, my baby sistah, our respective partners, and I bought my parents tix to see the Rolling Stones at the Meadowlands on Sept. 28. Usually my parents are the country club scene/opera-attending types -- neither of them has ever been to a rock concert. Needless to say, they were quite excited when they got their gift.
Maybe too excited...
On several occasions over the past few weeks my mother has brought up the fact that she has never seen marijuana in her life. (She has ... she just didn't know it at the time.) Except, she says, for the time she found some "oregano-like substance" in one of my sister's coat pockets, and asked me what it was. Apparently, I took it from her, offering to "throw it out." That, she suspected, was pot.
Throw it out, indeed.
So, this morning she called me. We were discussing the upcoming concert when all of a sudden, out of her mouth comes "Well, I need to go out and get a leather bustier to wear at the concert." Then she laughed.
Me: "What!? Deb, my mother wants to buy a leather bustier for the Stones show."
Deb: [Rolling her eyes] "Scary." (Nothing fazes Deb. Ever.)
Mom: "Maybe I need to get a gong, too."
Me: "A what? What the hell do you need a gong for?"
Mom: "Well, what are those things you smoke pot with?"
Me: "A BONG!? Jesus, mom."
Mom: "That's right. A bong."
Me: "You'd be just as bad as the rest of those hippies that will be there."
Mom: "That's what I mean! I missed out on the whole 60s scene raising you and your sister."
Me: "You sure you missed out? I mean, it would explain an awful lot if you hadn't ..."
Mom: "No, I've never even seen drugs. No one I know did drugs. They drank a lot, but certainly not drugs."
Me:"Must be nice to have a selective memory."
Mom: "Anyway, tomorrow is the church picnic. Why don't you and Debbie stop by."
Me (mumbling): "I'd have to be stoned first. Watching the religious statues bleed out the eyes when I stepped foot on holy ground would be too much of a trip."
Mom: "What?"
Me: "Nothing. I'll see. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

A bong. For god's sake.