LA’s Rule #2: The only way financial/insurance companies stay solvent is because they screw unsuspecting people. And they are sneaky about it – they employ complete morons as CS reps, and use piece of crap databases that have faulty information, so they have an excuse when they finally get called on their shit.

Now, I’m not saying it’s always intentional – although in an age of accounting scandals, I supposed anything is possible – but it’s certainly prevalent. Based on the small sample size (1 – me), I can tell you that if it wasn’t for my insistence on reviewing every financial debit, credit, check clearance, interest amount, and fine print, I would have been out a lot of f*cking money. I’m sure the amount of money lost to innocent people is in the billions. Unfortunately, most people don’t review their finances with a fine-toothed comb as anal- retentively as I do.

In the past I have discovered and had to have corrected all the following:
Someone else’s entire IRA deposited into and then out of my own IRA – twice.
I have had my former bank try to cash the same check twice – the second time 3 years after I wrote it, and then closed the account. (Yes, it cleared the first time) And then they tried to hit me with bounced check fees.
My current bank constantly records transactions 2 or 3 times before correcting the error – and screw up my balance, and thus my monthly interest.
In the past few years I have fired 3 financial advisors for ineptitude.

I’m no financial genius – I’m just jaded and thus anal about my money. And lucky enough to have caught the mistakes I have caught. I can’t even think about what has slipped through the cracks.

The latest fiasco involves my insurance company – a first. I am currently trying to get a check to cover the damage to my car from last week’s accident. At their request, I faxed them over my lien release letter from the bank I financed my car through. (Understand that the sole purpose of such a letter is to say that I satisfied and paid off my car loan, and the title is now 100% mine.) I needed to do this so they could release the check. Piece of cake, right? Ha. I can only blame myself for not anticipating this cluster fuck…

I also have my motorcycle insurance through them ... and so when I got a phone call a while ago from the insurance company’s customer service rep, I knew immediately they screwed something up.
“Um, Mrs. Rush (! Hell, if you’re going to use the wrong title, please, use Dr.), we got your fax of the lien release letter. However, our records show that the bank on the letter head is not the bank that holds the lien on your car.”
“Yes, it is. And I have the title in my possession.”
“Our records show that American Honda Finance is the lien holder, and you’re still making payments.”
“American Honda was NEVER the lien holder on my car. However, it IS the lien holder on my motorcycle, which was not involved, in any way, shape or form with the car accident.”
“Oh. But our records show that American Honda Finance is the lien holder on the Acura.”
“It’s not. It’s for the motorcycle, which, by the way, is an entirely DIFFERENT policy.”
“Well, do you have the title?”
“Yes, I already told you that.”
“Well, can you bring it with you to pick up your check? Our claims adjuster needs to see it before he can give you the check.”

I’m taking bets right now that this will not be the case on Thursday …