Every now and then, they sneak up on me. Like some crazy little startle response offered by the unconcious mind. I almost want to call it ... a mind tickle.
It sometimes happens when I am sitting quietly in my office, late at night, with just my dim desk lamp offering a few rays of light as I pour over the hundreds of drugs for arrythmias, angina, or CAD. Sometimes they find me in bed, as I lay there late at night ... or dare I say in the earliest of hours, with my eyes closed, stroking the puppy's head while trying to quiet my own mind from the flood of minutiae I just finished pouring into whatever empty brain space I could find. And sometimes they find me when I get pimped by one of my friends and I actually know the answer.
"Ummm.. Second Degree, Winchebach/Type 1 AV Block! Really?! That's it? COOL!"
And just a few moments ago, it happened again as I walked into my office to grab my stethoscope.
It may sound corny, but it's true - every once in a while I still have one of those "Oh. My. God. I am going to be a doctor" moments.
And then I get that familiar chill down my spine. The good kind that causes some kind of sympathetic adrenaline rush. And then I smile. And then, I panic just a little ... because I know how far away I am from being even remotely good enough for someone to trust me enough to let me hold their beating heart, and life, in my hands.
And back to the books I go as I realize my second Cardiology exam is tomorrow morning at 9am. How's that for a dose of reality?
Posted by LA at September 10, 2006 10:37 PM