I'll admit, I have tolerated some aberrant, deviant behavior from some of my friends. And I have let it go - just ignored it without breathing a word of my disgust. I have remained nonjudgmental in the face of such bizarre oddities and fetishes that one might question my own judgment.
Well, I have reached the end of my rope with one of my closest, dearest friends. I can no longer remain silent on an issue that is so close to my heart. It is time for a public intervention.
Beth, you know you mean the world to me. But we need to talk about something. Openly and honestly. Now, you know I have forgiven you for transgressions such as being a geeky bookworm, being on the debate team in high school, and the very tragic morning announcements girl. I said nothing when you told me about your very active participation in numerous choirs, your lack of athletic endeavors, your midwest upbringing, and the fact that you have never seen Saturday Night Fever or own a single Donna Summer mp3.
However, I can no longer remain silent about one issue in particular.
I was stunned... stunned and deeply disturbed to learn that you were a ... [GASP!] a... mime. Dear god, there, I've said it. Yes, a mime. A horrible, sinister black and white clown!
To think! I have trusted you with making decisions about my career as a physician! All this time I thought you were this amazingly brilliant professor -- so together, so professional -- and then your dark side seeped through. Who knew your deepest desire was nothing more that to pull on a rope that doesn't even exist!
Oh the tragedy, the shame of it all. My heart weeps for your future, and the future of our friendship. Please... please. Tell me you have given up this loathsome hobby and will never paint your face white again! Convince me that you'll find a cure for such an insidious case of mimingitis! Prove to me that you will never, ever, bastardize the sacred all black outfit again!
Please. For the sake of the boys... you can't let them grow up in a home where invisible walls appear out of thin air. I just can't bare the thought of little Owen trapped in a box for eternity.
Say it with me, Beth: No More Monochrome. I have faith in you...
One last thing: Conversations with my advisor is SO my next column.
Ha.
i swear if she ever mimes up i will run away - too reminiscent of a clown, which i am deathly afraid of. that snapple fact is just AMAZING.
Posted by: dizzle on February 7, 2007 10:53 PMAh Ah Ah Ah Staying Alive, Stayting Alive!
Posted by: Agador on February 8, 2007 11:07 PMI had no idea...FOR SHAME!!!!!!!!
To think, I thought I had a problem with BDSM...
Can things ever be the same now??!??!?!
Has she quit?
SHUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!NNNNNNAA
Posted by: Peri on February 10, 2007 11:30 AMyour problem is not with bdsm - it's with hobbit f*ckers. whats with the Tolkein names anyway?? Shuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaa the hobbit touchers! Shuuuuuuunnnnnnn!
Posted by: la on February 11, 2007 11:52 AMLaura, you need to follow the lyrics. Now sing with me.
I was out of love, and out of heart
I couldn't quite stop something that I didn't start
Yeah yeah, the critics said "No"
I didn't know how I came, so I couldn't go
I was third on the bill of a second rate show
The audience asked me what, but I didn't know
Oh oh my predicament grew but now I got friends
And I think that my friends are you, yeah.
You know I looked around for faces I'd know
I fell in love with the people in the front row
My predicament grew but now I got friends
And I think that my friends are you, yeah
You can put me here and I'm all yours,
Not for the money and it's not for the applause, no
'Cause after is nothing it's doing the song
I don't have to hear a thing to know I've been grooved on
These chords that I'm using are usually sad
I had to use them, they're the best chords that I have
Oh yeah, this progression is usually sad
But it felt my sorrow and I wanted it to feel me glad, yeah.