Tuition - $35,000.00
Medical textbooks - $1600
Sharp, shiny instruments -- $700.00.
Palpating your classmate's butt cheek dimples in Starbucks - Priceless!
... make med school fun!
(DWW, you WILL be getting your collective asses in gear for next week's Hash run. Leave the Glocks and the 9mm's at home, though.)
So, yes, tonight I was "inducted" into the local chapter of the Hash House Harriers. Not the secret society I was referring to above, but a fun, social society nevertheless. Actually, it was a freakin' blast!!! Admittedly, I had to walk the 5 miles with my bud, Arriel, but we're working on building me up to running form again, since my blown out achilles is finally healing. For those of you who don't know what HHH is all about, Google it. I don't have time to explain (sorry!!) the long story, but I will say it's a great way to bond with my fellow students, with or without the alcohol.
Speaking of bonding with classmates, yesterday afternoon a bunch of us headed to Anaheim to watch the Angels - Tigers game. It was cool to get out from behind the books for a day. It wasn't a Yankee game, but, hey, it was baseball, and that made me happy.
Today we had our OPP mid-term - scored my requisite A, so I was quite pleased and took most of this afternoon off and installed my Sirius radio in a non-half-assed way. (Thanks, A!) Tomorrow it's back to the same ol' carving station routine...
Rather than explaining what we did in Gross Anatomy lab this morning, I've provided a link to web site that shows precisely how I spent my morning.
(There's no better way to bond with your classmates than by sharing in the time-honored tradition of washing the feces out of an impacted colon ... on a hemisected pelvis/leg.)
For those of you who have a morbid/scientific curiosity on what GA labs are like, start here and work your way through.
Med school keeps me busy - let's just get that out there right now. I barely have time to vacuum my immaculately spotless rug (spotless because I am barely in my apartment long enough to step on it) because every waking minute is about gross anatomy. Our 2nd exam is tomorrow, and I look forward to getting through it. I have spent 30 of the past 48 hours studying, so I am feeling a little punchy... and too tired to really be creative -- so, I am once again augmenting for this space the semi-monthly email update I send to family and friends on my progress thus far. Enjoy.
Things are going well – I did fine on my first exam 2 weeks ago, and have another this coming Monday. It covers the thorax and abdomen, and all their constituent parts (heart, lungs, stomach, etc.). Last Friday I got to cut the heart out of my cadaver – that was a cool experience. We also had some interesting findings while exploring his abdomen -- let’s just say this guy hadn’t been “regular” for a LONG time. Even the pathologist said he had never seen an impacted sigmoid colon that big before. My lab partners and I were very cautious to keep all shiny, sharp objects at a safe distance.
Last week I also had my first OSCE exam, which is an assessment of how well I interview patients and take their medical history. For my 3 practice sessions leading up to this, I received excellent feedback from the standardized patients we work with, so I was not at all worried. The SPs are actors, and when we interview them, they can take on any role from hostile (and I mean hostile!) patient to someone who is upset/scared/withdrawn. Fortunately, I spent 15 yrs as a journalist, so interviewing people is a no-brainer. However, it’s an entirely different experience – and definitely challenging -- trying to coax very personal info out of someone while simultaneously being compassionate, especially when you’re nervous and being videotaped by your profs. All in all, it went very well.
I do enjoy that class -- I am discovering all those things that my docs (and me!) have been doing right and wrong over the years, and also learning to become a better listener. Hopefully, that will carry over to my personal life.
Speaking of personal life, or the lack thereof, I have finally gotten tired of eating Quiznos subs, cereal, etc. (but hey, so far I have lost 7lbs!) so last week I went out and bought a steak, chicken breasts, and potatoes – I am going to make an attempt to cook them this week, and avoid ordering take-out or doing the frozen pizza thing again. For those of you who know me well enough, that will be almost as challenging as med school itself.
Well, that's it for now. Back to the intricacies of the biliary tree and the Sphincter of Oddi. Speaking of... I'd like to give a shout out to Peri ... Yes, you, Periwinkle Blue. You can thank me for the public acknowledgement of your existence with the purchase of a beverage after the exam manana -- but please, not the caffeine enema.
And to Michael, Eric, Wendy, Peri and Arriel -- remember, it's all about TBPPS.
Watching the news about the devastation in New Orleans has been absolutely heartbreaking. I can't imagine what it is like to experience the loss of such magnitude -- the loss of life, of family, friends, and what you once called home. I imagine the heartache is unbearable.
A close friend of my family has a son who is an ER doc in Gulfport, Mississippi, and he had a waterfront condo in New Orleans. It's gone now. And, he's been stranded at a hospital and has been the only doc in the ER for 3 days. I'm amazed at his strength to continue to serve others knowing he has lost so much... I can only hope he gets some relief soon.
Humanity, and my new perspective on it, has been a running theme the past few weeks. During the first week of gross anatomy, it was a strange yet wonderful feeling for me when I finally cut into a cadaver and began this process of learning to heal. I got through the first few days telling myself the bodies weren't real, that they were just learning tools... until I helped a few other students turn a woman's body over onto it's belly, and noticed a Band-Aid still stuck on the back of her arm. It got to me in a very unsettling way. And then, as the days went on, I began to notice the tattoos, the scars, the pacemaker... all harsh reminders that these "tools" were in fact individuals. Someone who up until the very end was trying to live and take care of herself. It's not that I didn't know this -- it was just easier to get accustomed to sticking my hand into someone's musculature if I told myself at first it wasn't real.
It's very real now.
I no longer have a problem with acknowledging the humanity, so to speak. It's still hard to look at the body of a 39 yr old who died prematurely. But now I am in awe at the bravery that person exhibited by facing death head on and having the courage to donate their body to science so that I, and my peers, could learn from them.
I wish I could be in New Orleans doing all I can right now -- it's frustrating, and makes me chomp at the scholastic bit even harder, knowing that I need to work as hard as I can so that when my time comes, I am ready to work those 3+ days without sleep, knowing I too may have nothing to go home to.
I've just returned from celebrating the completion of my first medical school exam with 100+ classmates in the local campus pub -- yeeha!! -- and I have to say it's a great feeling. Surviving it, that is. It was a 2-part exam in gross anatomy: a 2-hour written portion, which I think I passed just fine, and a practical exam, which entailed identifying nerves, arteries, muscles, bones, tendons, etc. of the neck and back region on 25+ cadavers that have been decomposing and drying out over the past 2 weeks. I don't really know how well I did on the practical - I assume I did as well as I could have, but I won't know for a few days. Most of the people I spoke with feel uncertain about it - they can't really tell how well they did. It was really tough. But the bottom line is to create intelligent doctors - not make it easy. So, I am pleased to have made it through it alive.
I spent a god-awful amount of time studying the past 2 weeks - I averaged about 4.5 hours a night after a 9-5 day of classes, and then put in 15 hours on Saturday and 12 yesterday (Sunday), and 4 more this morning. And that was for ONE test. Good lord. I have to say, medical school is as tough as I anticipated. Thankfully I expected long hours.
All the stress has thrown off my biorythmns -- I try to go to bed at midnight and inevitably can't sleep and end up flipping though my flashcards until 1.30am. I then wake up at 8am all jittery and full of nervous energy.
I've become accustomed to drinking coffee all afternoon instead of my usual 3-4 binge. I've also lost weight since eating has become an afterthought -- I usually remember to eat at lunch, but dinner is more of a study break than a meal.
Despite the intense nature of the whole experience, the bottom line is I am having fun -- an amazing time -- even though this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Fortunately, I've met some amazing people and made some great friends who have kept me sane the past few weeks.
And now I am tired, drained, and want to watch what's been happening in New Orleans -- one of my favorite places in the country. And tomorrow's another full day... We begin dissecting the thorax!
This weekend I'm off to Malibu to chill on the beach again with friends and family. The wife is coming out to visit me -- it's been almost a month since I have seen her. We have lots of catching up to do.
I have so much to say and so little time to say it. I can't believe how cool medical school is, and how much I am enjoying it. For the first time, I atually feel like I belong. Like I was meant to be here, and not some imposter pretending to be an expert. I did enjoy my career as a journalist, but I have to admit I was never this enthusiastic about it. In any event, I want to share what my first few days have been like, and in the essence of saving time, I am editing an email I sent last night to family anf friends to a blog-appropriate format.
So far, all is well here in sunny LA. I'm sure some of you have been filled in on the apartment (it's great) and my car situation (it sucks!) ... but I am surviving - even if it's on cereal, bagels and pasta.
Med school so far is way cool, and the entire university administration is very helpful, warm and engaging, and will to do just about anything for the students.
The students are awesome, too -- and I'm not even close to being the oldest. The average age, I was told, is 30. Oddly enough, I seem to have bonded with some military folks -- go figure. There are three of them I have been hanging with and formed a study group with. They are currently trying to convince me to join the Military Club here at school. These days, the only way I would follow our Commander in Chief onto a battlefield would be, of course, if he wooed me with the promise of donuts and coffee. But I digress.
A small secret most of you don't know -- I was oh-so-close to signing away 4 yrs of my life to the Coast Guard Academy 16 yrs ago when SOMEONE convinced me otherwise. ;) This was after I was rejected by the Air Force ROTC at UConn for my bum knee and pre- my intense fear of flying. Despite my strong left-wing leanings, I do come from a military family, don't forget, and have deep respect for that commitment to service (no, I am not in favor of the war!). More so after seeing the excellent care my grandfather received at the VA hospital for 10 yrs.
Classes so far have been excellent -- we are learning about medical ethics, ethical reasoning, and professionalism. Tomorrow we begin to learn how to take patient histories and give physical exams (I have some very cool and expensive medical equipment I need to learn to use, so prepare to become a guinea pig if you should come for a visit). The hard science stuff begins this Friday -- we get our own cadavers and a "bone box" for gross anatomy. Enmeshed with that will be biochemistry, histology, microbiology and pathology. Cooooooool.....
Needless to say, there have been lots of student parties and trips to the beach this week before things get really crazy - being the old coot that I am, I have opted out of the partying, but plan to hit Malibu beach this weekend and attempt to surf... or enviously watch the surfers while making up valid excuses as to why I should NOT attempt it my first few weeks of school. I did spend 2 hours this afternoon with a personal trainer at the gym, and he kicked my gluteus maximus -- hard. He is a dead ringer for Leonardo DiCaprio. So, more often than not I wanted to smack him upside his Hollywood wannabe head. I seriously thought I was going to die -- but the school mandates we stay, or in my case GET, into good physical shape, pronto, so as to not be hypocrites after taking the Hippocratic oath. So I pressed on. (The school has a HEAVY military influence, which my father thinks is just what I need. Ahem. Apparently my emotional scarring from plaid Catholic school uniforms and ill-fitting saddle shoes didn't do enough damage.) Speaking of, next week I will be studying and possibly even working out with two of my new buds, an Air Force dude who claims to have jumped out of planes all over Europe, and a Navy seaman, who has been around the world on a ship twice and managed to not get a single tattoo. They are both amazing guys.
As such, I fully expect to drop dead from an MI after 15 minutes in the gym with them.
Hoo-rah!
I. Have. Chills.
This is by far the most unbelievable experience of my life.
The 4th weekend was a blast - lots of fun with family and friends, both new and old. I spent a good deal of it lounging in the pool and on my deck until the wee hours, and at the beach, chilling out & watching fireworks. I did spend some of the time packing, but not nearly as much as I should.
Technically, this is my last week of work. I have a few articles to finish writing and one project to tidy up, and then I will have the last 3 weeks here to get my life in order. For example, I am still trying to make arrangements to have my car (and a few friends) shipped to California. Ugh. I hope they don't mind being stow-aways in my backseat. So, with that, posts will be sparse for the next week, but then I am sure I will need an outlet to vent my anxiety.
Alright, off to work I go.
Aie. It seems I answer these questions several times a day, so with that:
July 30 will be my last day in CT
August 8 is when classes start
Yes, I am scared to death
I'll be back "home" for 1-2 weeks at Christmas
Yes, the wife is coming; when is still being discussed, but most likely sooner than later
The dog is staying with my parents until we find a place to live that allows dogs
AJ is coming with me; Elmo is staying with the wife
Timeframe: 2 years of coursework; 2 years of clinical rotation; 4-6 years of residency
Neurosurgery/neurology/orthopedics surgery/general surgery
I'll be in debt $250,000
No, I'm not doing it for the money. Duh.
No, I am not planning on coming back east after residency
Or ever
Unless NYU wants to pay me a LOT of money
Of course my parents are very UPSET -- they are planning on moving to LA
Yes, extensive therapy is covered by my insurance
Yes, I am going to miss everyone very much
Yes, I want you all to visit me often
No, not all at the same time
No, you can't stay for weeks on end
Yes, I realize I am going to be very busy, but you can still come and buy me dinner
Yes, I am planning on learning how to surf
Yes, I am planning to maintain this web site
No, there won't be any pics from my gross anatomy class
Anything else? email me: la at headrush dot com
Last night I learned I got the med school acceptance I was hoping for -- in Southern California!!! Just outside LA, to be exact.
Truth be told, I am a tiny bit torn between the 2 schools I've been accepted to. Both are in Cali: 1 in San Francisco and the other in LA. I want to do my residency in LA -- at UCLA, to be exact. And this 2nd school has matched quite a few students to UCLA for residencies. It's also reasonably close to the UCLA campus. So, I am 95% sure I will be going here. But I love San Francisco, too!
In other related news: I was out celebrating my dad's birthday at my favorite restaurant, and I discovered another reason why I love this place: the owner, who knows me by name and face well enough, tonight told me she thought I was only 25!! She was really bummed out to find out I was leaving for med school, and she asked me if I just finished undergrad!!! Now, I know I don't look my age, but 13 years younger is pushing it just a little.
Hell, I won't complain. I need to blend in with those LA cool kids in 8 weeks -- I guess that means I need to go blonde again, and learn to surf ... Dude. (I ... am so fucked.)
The amount of stuff I need to do before I leave here in July is almost too overwhelming to think about. But, I am taking lots of deep breaths and pushing forward. Despite learning that I would need to take out a $250k loan to get me through the next 4 years, I am still thrilled to be this fortunate. I am definitely sensing a much-needed calmness has come over me. The anxiety of "will I or won't I get in" is gone. But not forgotten. Every morning I wake up, sip my coffee and remember all over again - it's a great feeling.
I am now counting in weeks instead of months when I will be leaving. I don't think I will add a counter to the site, though. Even though West coast living and going to med school are my two biggest dreams, I am having a hard time just thinking about saying goodbye.
The current plan is to leave Connecticut on July 25 -- classes begin first week of August and I will be making the trek cross country via car. Until that day comes, I still need to finish the biochemistry class that I am taking (and will have to retake as a medical student weeks after finsihing it), find a place to live in the Bay Area, get several loans, possibly find a renter for my house, and then pack. (Sadly, I think learning how to cook is an out-of-reach goal. It will have to get put into my 5-yr plan, right behind French fluency and a black belt in something.)
Ugh.
So, I distract myself my checking out all the cool books and medical supplies I have to buy for the first day of school -- a bit more than the compass and protractor I had to get in high school. Stethoscope, sphygmamometer (blood pressure cuff), scrubs!!, latex gloves in mass quantities, microscope, and all kinds of shiny objects.
I also find myself watching shows like House, ER, and Grey's Anatomy with a renewed interest - and from a different perspective. I guess I am mentally preparing for the abuse that will soon be a regular part of my life.
The only thing I am not prepared for is the sleep deprivation. I am planning to do a lot of that in the next few weeks, along with enjoying my last moments of freedom as much as humanly possible.
I figured I'd get around to the big announcement sooner or later, and I guess it was later ...
Yes, I have been accepted to medical school -- in California!!! Getting that acceptance was the oddest emotional experience of my life. I first burst into tears, then called the wife and baby sistah, who were enjoying a bike ride along Playa del Rey beach. I'm sure their screaming alarmed quite a few sunbathers. I then called my dad, who got choked up and promised to tell my mother, who was sadly, at the dentist. Next was my best bud, Robyn -- instead of our usual text messaging, I resorted to calling her at work because I couldn't type on the tiny Treo keypad because I was shaking. After that I kind of went numb from the shock. But it is still an amazing feeling -- even today.
Although this is what I have been preparing for/talking about over the past 6 years, leaving here was still an emotionally difficult decision to make. While I am thrilled beyond belief to be a doctor, and excited about my future and doing something I have dreamed about my entire life, I will be leaving behind many important people -- family and friends -- my pets, my home and a job I really love. And literally starting over.
I have to say, getting into medical school has truly been a group effort. There is no way on earth I would have been able to do this on my own. In a way, I feel like my role was the easiest: sit in a room and read about things that interest me for hours on end, fill in tiny bubbles, and fall asleep with my head on my desk while friends and family pitched in their blood, sweat and tears by emotionally and spiritually (hey, maybe those votive candles work - what do I know!) helping me (sometimes literally even steering me) down this path.
I am eternally grateful for all the cards, emails, words of encouragement, sanity checks, hugs, pats on the back, cups of coffee, bitch-and-moan sessions where I was the sole bitcher and moaner, and outright love and support that have been given to me over the past 6 years, especially the last 2 which were the most difficult and trying.
Just saying thank you will never be enough. The following people have made my seemingly impossible dream a reality, and I owe my success to all of you.
Deb: I don't don't know where to even begin -- thank you for everything. My medical degree will be as much your's as mine. Your sacrifices for me over the past 6 years have gone above and beyond what a spouse should make, your love and encouragement got me through the most difficult of times, and I can only hope I make you as proud of me as I am of you. (That, and a rich, martini-by-the-pool-drinking wife of a doctor soon!) I love you.
Mom & Dad: for the genes, constant encouragement, love and support, not letting me go to UCLA and thus making me a bitter-yet-determined woman hell bent on getting my butt across the country, and never telling me it was a bad idea.
Karen & Pete: for the love, support, advice, humor, horoscopes, In n'Out burgers, airport pick-ups, the use of your couch (several times) and making me understand it really was all about the journey. I can't wait to be near you two again!! 2-family duplex... 2-fmaily duplex...
Robyn: I am sure your ears are beyond numb, and your brain is oversaturated with more knowledge of the whole med school application process than you signed up for. But your friendship, constant encouragement, words of wisdom, sense of humor, loyalty and advice mean more to me than you will ever know. Your courage and determination (despite your insistence on perfecting the art of mediocrity!) have been an inspiration to me - and for that I thank you.
Jack and Miki: For the gazillion sanity-restoring trips to the Cape, the best pizza on the planet, for being the older siblings I never had, and for showing me how to "get it" and enjoy life the right way. For the laughs, the trips, the tears, and for sharing your family, which I happily and proudly consider my own.
Heather, Nanette, and Chrissy: For never, ever, telling me this was a bad idea, defending me to the doubters and the mold spores, for the coffee, wine, and for keeping me well fed, smiling and out of trouble.
The rest of the cast and crew deserve much more than a mention, but I only have 12 more weeks until I begin school and this can take all night! With that - the credits (not in order of appearance):
My family
Cody, AJ, Elmo: for the 4am puking the night before my exams, stepping on the alarm clock and changing the time so I overslept, stealing the blankets ... and keeping me company throughout the whole damn process. It's going to kill me to leave them behind temporarily -- even Elmo, the bald bastard that he is.
Keith, my advisor
Frank, my mentor
Nancy M, for making me realize I'm not the one who is crazy - it's you!
Danielle, for the giant hugs, cigars, and showing me what it means to be brave
Maryanne & Chiz, for 50 years of combined friendship and encouragement
Candace, for keeping quiet about everything ;) and your cousin in line
Aubri, a big thank you for all your help
Eric, for making me see the humor in it all over the years
And to everyone else who has been there - thank you!
I got my first med school acceptance moments ago!! I have 2 more interviews forthcoming, and still waiting to hear from a handful of other schools.
This school isn't my first choice (more like 2nd or 3rd) but I was blown away by the campus and the facilities.
It still really hasn't sunk in yet. I don't think it will for a while...
Good things from the past 7 days:
Evil things from the past 7 days:
Or light a votive candle, pray, chant, or raise a glass -- whatever it is you do to wish someone good luck, I NEED IT NOW.
I have a couple of med school interviews lined up in the very near future, and I am so nervous I want to vomit. I am barely sleeping and feel like I've imbibed 47 cups of coffee. This is worse than the last few days leading up to the MCAT (but not as bad as the last few days leding up to getting my MCAT score). Jeeezus.
Of course, the schools I am interviewing at are at the opposite ends of the continent, so that means more traveling. WOOHOO! I'm not complaining -- anything to escape the frozen tundra (ok, so I am not exactly going to a warmer climate anytime soon... but still.)
Because I've answered this question more times in the past 5 days than you can imagine, I'm answering it for the last time here.
The entire process of applying to medical school takes about a year. I took the MCAT in April, sent in my primary AMCAS application in July, and just started sending in my secondary apps 2 weeks ago. Some schools won't get around to sending them out to applicants until September sometime, so this could go on for weeks/months. So far, I have 7 secondaries finished and mailed off, and 10 more to go. And that's just the MD programs -- I haven't even started on my AACOMAS application for osteopathic schools. And then of course, there's the European schools... Damn.
After I've sent in my secondary apps, my academic advisor needs to send out my letters of recommendation from the pre-med committee at my university. Last year I had to chase down 3 profs and ask them to write a letter on my behalf. I also have to get one from my advisor himself, since he's been my boss the past year on the cancer study. Once the med schools have received those, and my transcripts, which I already tracked down and sent in, my file is complete and they will decide if they want to interview me.
Now, AMCAS charged me about $75 per school I applied to. I applied to 17 schools. Each school then charges another fee for the secondary apps - they range from $75 to $100 each. On top if that, I need to pay for airline tickets and a hotel to go interview at whatever schools want to interview me. Roughly, we're talking about $5000 just to apply.
Statistically speaking, 1 in 4 interviewees gets an offer of admittance to the school. So ... as long as I get an interview, my chances of an acceptance go up.
Interviews begin at schools in September, but they go until March. Yes - March. So, the earliest I can possibly hear about an acceptance is October/November - but realistically, it can be anytime between then and April. If I get waitlisted at a school, they can call me 3 days before classes begin in July and tell me I've been accepted and it's up to me to pack and get myself to wherever I am going.
That's if I haven't already been accepted somewhere.
Orientation for MS1 students is in July/August (2005), depending on the school.
And then of course there's the dreaded no acceptance situation. If that's the case, then it's the MCAT again in April, and if that doesn't work after another year of this stuff, Plan B is to just finish my masters/PhD and say bite me to med school.
Besides - most Nobel winners have PhDs, not MDs. :)
The entire process, from my requisite pre-med science classes (12 classes x $1500/class = $18,000) to studying for the MCAT (kaplan class x 2 = $3000; MCAT = $300) to applying will have taken me 6 years and will have cost me over $26,000. And that's just to GET IN. Medical school is another 4 years and on average $250,000, and my residency in neurosurgery will be another 7 years on top of that (I get paid for that). All together, I will have invested 17 years and over $275,000 into becoming a brain surgeon. And that does not include the 5 years I spent as an undergrad in the 80's or the 4 years I spent in grad school in the 90's - which I am still paying off. (Now you know why your medical bills are outrageously expensive.)
Now, where did I apply? That is a secret that only my friends and family know.
Which reminds me - I still need to register for fall classes. Cha-ching. Another $1500 out the window.
One of the applications I am filling out wants to know what my SAT scores were.
Yes, you read that correctly. S. A.Motherf*cking-T.
Christ, I took them in 1983!! How the hell could they possibly even be relevant today!? Besides, most of the kids that will be in my med school class next summer weren't even BORN in 1983.
Oh god. Now I feel faint.
I got my first two secondary applications from two med schools yesterday. Once they review your primary application through AMCAS, they send you a second one if they are a) interested in you or b) hard up for cash.
I'm cynical and assuming they just want another $100 out of my wallet.
Regardless of their reason for sending me the secondary, one of the schools has become my 2nd choice (the 1st is Harvard, obviously, but that's a loooooooooooooong shot) and it's in my best interest to get the application done and back to them as fast as possible.
Of course, on one of these secondary apps, the school wants me to write 6 essays, including what motivates me to become a doctor. It's silly and frustrating because that's exactly what my personal essay on the primary application was about. After all, that's what they tell you to write about for that essay.
I'm glad I don't have a lot going on this week/weekend.
And... I just hope the other 10 schools I applied to chill out for at least another week and don't send me anything on top of this stuff. I'm back to chewing off my nails, and I haven't even started to write.
There's a med school in England that is supposedly very good, and they have classes beginning in January. They have a rolling admissions policy, meaning I can apply today for a seat in January.
I just printed out the application and will be reviewing it/filling it out with my advisor tonight. I still want to see how my apps to US schools fare, especially since I dropped a big chunk of change on them, and think I have a decent chance at getting an acceptance to some of the schools. But there's a big part of me that just wants to go already. I'm not a big fan of gray areas, limbo, and ambiguity. I've had more than enough in my life, and am decidedly a very black-and-white, I-need-to-know-where-I-stand-at-this-moment kind of person.
Needless to say, I am very impatient and hate to wait. Going at this doctor thing for 5.5 years has taught me some patience. But I am really antsy now, which I am told is normal days after hitting the Send button on AMCAS.
I think I could live in England for 2 years. (You do 2 years of classes at this school, then 2 years of clinical rotations in the US or somewhere else in Europe.)Like California, I could probably live in Europe forever, provided my wife could be there with me.
I am having dinner with my advisor tonight, along with some other docs, so I am hoping to get some good feedback from their perspective on this school.
Until then, I am going back to the real world of cutting my lawn, repairing my bike, and sitting in my university office chasing out the mice who scamper across the desk while I am calling patients. That ought to keep my mind occupied.
After spending more than 90 hours writing, rewriting, and agonizing over my med school application, I am pleased to say it is finally finished and has been sent to my list of 12 schools. Jesus, I feel like I gave birth. When I finally hit the send button, all I wanted to do was smoke a cigarette. I refrained, though. Instead, I celebrated with a cup of coffee.
I also began my AACOMAS application for osteo schools this weekend, although it isn't really due anytime soon. But I am eager to get going and get on with this doctor thing.
For now, though, I can focus on life again -- meaning reading my books, finishing my research paper, and most importantly relaxing in my pool. Yes, there is that whole find a temporary, meaningless job for the next 8 months thing, too ...
I need to acknowledge a few special people who helped me rewrite my life's history. To all of you who tolerated me the past 2 weeks, stopped me from pulling out my hair, provided helpful insights, critiques and heavy editing -- thanks for making me look so good!
Well, first things first. My EEG came back with abnormal spikes in the prefrontal cortex, which could indicate epilepsy (no big deal - I already knew I had it), or it could mean something else. (I was happy to learn I actually still had a prefrontal cortex -- I was pretty sure I lost most of those cells during a wild spring break week in college.)
My neurologist handed off the results to my regular doc for him to take the lead. As of today, I haven't been able to track him down to review the results and a plan of action. F*cking doctors - I hate them.
Meanwhile, back in my lower neck region, the ultrasound revealed that I have several growths. I am scheduled for a battery of tests next week in the hospital. I'm not terribly concerned -- nodes, if that's what they are, are fairly common and usually benign. But I won't know if that's what they are until I drink some radioactive iodine and have my neck x-rayed next week, and then have the little bastards biopsied.
Now, the real son of a bitch was the MCAT. I improved -- but not as much as I had hoped to. Well it was enough to let me apply with a reasonable amount of confidence, so I am now officially an applicant.
I'm still planning on continuing with my MS/PhD program in neuroscience at New York Med until I get an MD or DO/PhD program acceptance I am willing to take. (In other words, in a place I can actually see myself living for 4 years).
The big letdown is, no I didn't score high enough for the California schools (which are harder to get into than the Ivies - go f*cking figure), so I have to consider other locations. Like here, Florida, NJ, Virgina, Vermont, DC, Arizona... and Nebraska.
Hey - if the end result gets me a medical degree and lets me saw of skull caps for fun, I'm pretty much ready to go anywhere.
In any event, I can now come out of retirement and start looking for a job again. Hell, it's only for 10 months, so at this point, I am going to look for something fun and interesting.
I hear Hooters is hiring...
I had my ultrasound this morning, and sure enough, they found something. I heard the words "tumor" and "cyst" and was shown my carotid artery (I have no idea why -- I guess he thought it was interesting) but the doc's english wasn't too good, so I have to wait until I speak with my regular doc on Tuesday morning ... which is also the official date of my MCAT score release. 9am to be specific.
I'm also supposed to be at the ER at midnight Monday night/Tuesday morning showing one of my students how to do patient intake, so I should be in a fine mood come Tuesday afternoon.
I'd avoid me until at least Wednesday if I were you.
The next step is a fine needle biopsy, I guess. I'm looking forward to having a shiny, pointy object jabbed into my neck. While they are doing that, I should have them biopsy my brain to see if it actually exists.
Results of my blood test were inconclusive - I don't have hypo/hyperthyroidism, but the status of the thing growing on it is still undetermined. Back for another round of doc appointments this week. EEG results also still not in... and yes, I continue to shake.
One more week until MCAT scores, too - so I'm just a bundle of nerves.
The summer session for the research has also begun, which means I am back in the middle of training college students on how to do clinical research. In other words - Hell. I do start a class this week, though, that should be interesting. It's a medical decision making class. Since I also took the summer off from grad school, I thought this would be a good way to keep my mind occupied.
At some point this week, I need to finish my AAMCAS application. You wouldn't know that I've had 5 years to get this shit done already by the way everything is getting backed up and put off for days at a time. Jesus. Now I know why they say the hardest part of medical school is getting in.
I have to say, things have been blissfully mellow for me the past few days. Aside for bursting a blood vessel in my left eye on Sunday morning, resulting in my looking like a god damn one-eyed vampire, things have been pretty good. I spent this morning tutoring a friend in the finer points of neuro and visceral anatomy, then lounged at the beach for a few hours. Doing my best to keep my BP at 120/80.
Right now, I'm supposed to be finding out where my temporary office will be for the summer at the university... but my advisor has been MIA for a few days. As such, I've taken to doing my share of the research while ensconced on my back deck or sea side. Or not doing it at all, as the case truly may be.
It's been a pleasant, calm 5 weeks since the MCAT. But I can feel my nerves starting to kick in again as I get closer to the score release date. I am trying to stay focused on being positive (it ain't easy when you're a cynical bastard) and working on my AAMCAS application and personal statement so that I can send it off days after I get my score.
Then, I will promptly vomit, curl up into a ball of nerves and avoid human contact until I get an interview.
As for the job search -- well, truthfully I am *barely* searching. I am waiting to get the MCAT scores so I can see if it will be worth my time to establish residence elsewhere (California, NY) or keep my ass firmly planted in this hell hole. (Although, CT is much more tolerable during April/May/June/July.)
Don't get me wrong -- I want OUT of here. I'm just trying to make sure I do it the right way and for the right reasons.
Oh yes - it's done and over with. Round 2 of sitting for the MCAT is now a distant memory.
I'm fairly confident I scored much better than last year's attempt ... and for that I am very much grateful.
With that, I'd like to thank the following for their undying love, support and encouragement over the past 5 years:
Deb, Robyn, Mom, Dad, Karen, Pete, Danielle, Jack, Miki, Chrissy, Heather, Nanette, Anne and J.
Without you all, none of this would have been possible. Whatever success comes of this endeavor, I owe it all to you.
Much love,
L.
One week from tomorrow and my hell will be (temporarily) over with. Until then, don't expect much in terms of this blog being updated. Tomorrow is my last official practice full length exam (I may do another on Wednesday) and Sunday I begin my intensive last-minute studying, with a quick break to have Easter dinner at the folks' house and shove chocolate bunnies down my pants.
Then I am planning on retreating to the confines of my bunker/office until Friday night. So for the next 7 days, please -- no IMing me (I won't even be signing on), no emailing me, and no calling me anytime during the day between the hours of 8am until 6pm. I can't afford to be distracted, and believe me, I look for every excuse in the world to be distracted -- so, please don't enable me. I need to do well on Satuday. Afterall, someday I may just be YOUR doctor.
(Yes, Rob/Dan- we're still having dinner Saturday... wouldn't miss it. And Chris, yes, we're still on for The L Word. Bring Coke. I'm on the wagon until Saturday the 17th at 6pm.)
Meanwhile, if you're jonesing for good ol' fashioned right-wing, christian coalition/republican bashing and can't wait until next Sunday when I return, check out Air America radio.
See you all in a week!
(I'd say 'peace out' or 'later dawg' or something hip and cool like that, but I'm still not allowed to use hip and cool phrases ... mostly because I have no friggin idea what they mean.)
12 days until IT, and I'm pretty damn close to feeling wiped out. At some point in the past 72 hours, my eyeballs fell out and rolled under my desk. I haven't been able to find them, but AJ has been pulling at something under the frig for the past hour that I am pretty sure is my retina caked with fur and lint.
Seriously, though, I feel more confident than I did last year (not sure if that is a good thing) -- mostly because I've done nothing for the past 6 weeks except study with the occasional break to smoke (cigars), eat jelly beans and harass Deb, Robyn and the cats.
They've been good sports. (I'm referring to the cats. Deb and Robyn no longer enable me. Well... Deb at least doesn't.) ::evil grin::
But I've had time to focus on the MCAT crap that I get stuck on -- stuff like when the partial pressure of oxygen in adult and fetal hemoglobin experiences the Bohr effect and right shifts. And the number of peaks in a H NMR spectrum of just about every O2 containing molecule. And which cell in the pancreas is responsible for what enzyme, and that enzyme's molecular structure and what its mode of action is.
Just writing about it makes me shudder. But only because it scares me that I actually know this stuff now. Hopefully I can hold it all in my head until the 17th.
After the 17th I am planning on going to hell with myself. I don't mean just downloading the 10s of thousands of equations, facts and figures that are taking up valuable gray matter and then doing naked cartwheels around the backyard. I mean having some serious fun as a RETIREE. Like reading books I actually enjoy. Watching my documentary DVDs. Adding to my wine collection. Travelling. Eating. Sipping lattes with my other retired friends. Riding my motorcycle. Clipping my toenails with reckless abandon.
God, I don't miss working.
But I suppose I should do something for the next 12 months, shouldn't I? I mean ... I should contribute to society for a little bit longer. Right?
You're right, screw it.
Ok, so what is the deal with school?
I got my scores back – and while they are certainly good enough to apply and get into some of my listed schools, I still want to do better. I want to ensure that I am beyond competitive – I want to secure a spot at a top research medical school (NYU, Yale, Hopkins, Harvard, UCLA etc.), and for that I need excellent MCAT scores. So, yes, as I expected, I’ll be taking it again (April ‘04, not in August – a mere 7 weeks away) with 75% of everyone else who wants to slay the beast.
But… I am still making arrangements this week to go and visit a few schools that I may still apply to now. Once I visit the schools and determine if they are an option I would seriously consider, I will decide whether or not I will hit the send button on my application or wait until next spring.
Meanwhile, after a meeting with my pre-med advisor last night that lasted way past midnight (thank god this doc makes house calls), I most likely will be attending New York Medical College in the fall – taking classes in their MS/PhD program (neuroscience). I wasn’t happy or challenged with undergrad classes, so the next best thing is grad school. Between the cancer research project, grad school classes and a full time job, I’d have to say I should be able to keep myself busy.
Of course, that could all change should I decide to go to med school at one of my B-list schools…
Counting down the days until April 17, 2004…
And I am DONE. And I mean done with all my pre-med requirements. After 4.5 years of extra courses on top of my undergraduate and graduate degrees I will be offcially finished until I begin med school.
Of course, I am going to take a graduate level neuroscience class this coming fall because I'm really interested in it and it looks good on your application. More so because I am interested in it. And I have no idea what else I'd do with all my spare time. Honestly. (The wife is already asking me when I start school again because I'm driving her crazy now that my attention is away from the books for the most part ...)
Ahh yes... after tonight I get to sit back, have a beer, put my feet up and unwind and not have to think "Aww shit, I have to get up at 6am and study tomorrow." Or deal with students who are lucky they can tie their shoes. Or suffer through horrible professors and their inane, useless lectures. (Well, not all of them.)
I also begin my research next week, and that I am really looking forward to. Plus, sailing season starts soon, and my wife, dog and motorcycle will finally get the attention they deserve.
Ah yes... life is good.
I am so sick of fucking studying, I want to punch someone in the colon.
I can't get away fast enough -- 3 more weeks until Cape Cod ...
(OK, so I lied. That wasn't the last post yesterday. Not that anyone believed me... evident by my traffic being quite high since last night)
First, I want to thank everyone who has been e-mailing, sending cards and calling me to wish me good luck -- it means a lot. Especially to Robyn, Dan and Anne who gave me the gifts of time (in the form of a beautiful Swiss Army watch) and chocolate (a box full of Fairyland chocolate brownies --OH MY F'N GOD, they are so good ... and Deb's going to KILL you.) You guys are the best ... :) And for everyone who's had patience with me over the past few months (too many names to list)... thank you.
Second, to whomever the hell keeps Googling on "naked-Dixie-chicks" and landing on my site: get a fucking life.
That's all. Back to the books ...
The last post until Saturday night. I'm off from work because I wanted to relax the last 2 days and get in some last minute studying. And, I would be useless at work.
As it is, I am forgetting the simple things like brushing my teeth or how to make toast. (Burned 1/2 a loaf of bread this morning before I was able to eat. And of course, I have no appetite. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, in the grand scheme of things.)
I was just reading the directions on where to go for the exam, and saw that they fingerprint you as well as demand a passport picture. Like anyone needs that added stress minutes before the exam.
Oh well. All I know is I have to be somewhere on the Yale campus by 8am Saturday and won't be leaving until sometime early evening. I won't even be able to have a celebratory glass of wine or beer when I am done because I have an exam 2 days later and have to come home and study. (Ha. Like that'll happen.)
When all is said and done, someone's going to get my fist in their temple.
Alright, send all your positive energy, prayers (yep, I'll take what I can get), stress-reducing secrets and tranquilizers my way.
See you all post-MCAT.
Here we go ... the nerves just woke up and realized it was Wednesday.
I'm trying to get some reading in for my organic chemistry class, and I can't remember a thing I read the second I turn the page.
Dry mouth. Sweaty palms. High BP. Migraine a-brewing. I'm not making any sense to my friends. Just babbling. Having very odd dreams (like, my boss quit and was joining Riverdance, and as he was showing me one of his spectacular dance moves, he kicked himself in the calf and almost died.)
My god, I feel like I'm going through puberty again. Not the feeling I was looking for.
I only have 3 weeks of school left -- and in those three weeks I have 2 regular exams, 2 final exams, 2 lab reports and an extra credit paper to write.
I'm not EVEN going to talk about the stress of Saturday. If I actually get any sleep between now and 6am Saturday morning, it will be a miracle.
I can not believe IT's only 8 days away. Actually, I thought I'd be more nervous than I am. I think I just want to get it over with and start enjoying myself again for the first time in a while. Even if it's only for a few weeks.
My concentration has been the worst all week. For a variety of reasons that don't all have to do with the MCAT.
I've been making lots of plans for the summer already - which may not be such a wise decision, considering I'll be retaking this fucking exam in August if I don't get the score I want. Yeah yeah... I know. Think positively.
I'm trying... but my cynical side is not cooperating.
I'm supposedly going to Provincetown for Memorial Day weekend as a kick-off to summer and a final hurrah with my compadre. We're going to celebrate and re-enact a decade-old ritual where Anne and I get drunk 3 nights in a row, buy the chickies drinks, eat lots of raw seafood, thus prompting Anne's mom to yell at her about the dangers of hepatitis, and make Deb steer us down the street in an effort to get us home alive.
That should make me forget about school for a while... if it doesn't inflict permanent brain damage. After all, I'm not 25 anymore.
Neat! My eyeballs are bleeding.
I took today off from work so I can get in another 12 hours of studying. Actually, I am in the middle of taking a full-length practice MCAT that I downloaded from AAMC. In other words, I'm filling in tiny bubbles ...
I'm trying to replicate the same environment I'd experience on test day. However, I don't think there are hairball-vomiting cats roaming around the testing classrooms, sitting their dirty cat asses on your MCAT test grid or attacking your pencils during the actual exam.
In case you haven't surmised, I'm on my 1-hour lunch break. I had a PB&J sandwich. Envy my culinary repertoire. It is staggering. Now, I am even baking chocolate chip cookies.
Oh please. Deb went out and bought the idiot-proof kind -- they are already pre-cut (thus eliminating any possibility of my having to use a sharp object) into quarter-sized slabs of cookie dough that you just toss on a cookie sheet and bake at 350. I think I can handle this. I've had oven burns before, and they no longer intimidate me.
Ovens are supposed to make a metal popping noice while heating up ... right?
So far, I've done the 100 minute physics/chemistry section and the 85 minute verbal reasoning section. I'm skipping the 60 minute writing portion and blogging instead. (It's a nice way of justifying my need to waste time.)
Next up, 100 minutes of fun-filled organic chemistry, biology, anatomy, physiology and genetics.
I will give a crisp $20 bill to the first person who greets me with an ice-cold Corona with a slice of lime as I walk out of my office later on this evening.
Yeah. I'm generous like that.
As if it was a riotously funny April Fool's joke, Mother Nature spent a few hours dripping wet snow on the state of CT today. And by Friday we're supposed to be close to 70 degreee again.
Mmm. Healthy.
Yeah, living in New England is a real treat. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate it?
I really need to question my sanity -- why I surround myself with things that annoy me. Snow, snobs, stupid students ... and cats who kick can shit so far out of the litterbox I'm about to get them an NFL agent.
Yes, I can tell I am getting crankier as D-Day draws ever closer. I've already given a big, warm welcome to the stress zits and reading-induced migraines. By Saturday, I should be fully engaged in projectile vomiting.
My sister keeps reminding me, "You're living your dream! Be Happy!" Heh. I'll be happy in 4 weeks.
Who am I kidding. No, I won't. I won't be happy until I get an acceptance letter. Although my officemate tells me that he's sure I'll find something to bitch about even then.
Probably.
I've got some really exciting new that has my head spinning and I feel compelled to share it with everyone. (I did tell family and closest pals first... :)
I talked to my premed advisor this morning, and he informed me me that I definitely got the job as Chief Research Associate working for him this summer! It will be mostly on weekends, and some weeknights after work at my real job, which is still a high priority. If it wasn't for my wonderful job, I wouldn't have a paycheck or the ability to do what I am doing.
Anyway... this is a volunteer position, but my advisor just found out that the NIH is going to fund the research, and it looks like I may get some cash out of the deal down the road.
The real bonus is, I now get free tuition! I'll be able to take medical decision making and medical ethics classes this summer for free, and there's also an opp for work/study for about $5000/semester, which would let me continue to take classes like biochemistry and neuroscience next year in exchange for my hard work. I will also get to publish in a scientific paper, which is a big plus on the med school apps.
The research means I'll be back working in the ER in the local city hospital again, and some weekends in NYC. I'll also be able to join the top docs on Grand Rounds. How cool is that???
And finally, I got the tattoo design back from the artist (thanks, Chrissy!), and it looks very cool. I'm really happy with it and now I really can't wait to get it done. I'm going to meet with the guy this weekend to set up an appointment to get inked -- probably right after the MCAT.
OK.. exam tomorrow night.. must go back to studying.
I just got home from taking my first Organic Chem exam of the semester. I finished it in 45 minutes. I don't know if I should be elated or distraught -- I've never tackled an exam that quickly before. Although, because of the snow storms, it was postponed twice, so I had plenty of time to prepare.
I'm allowing myself the realized gain in free time (about 1/2 hour) to relax and unwind (blog) and then I'll work on MCAT stuff. It seems like the closer the date gets, the less time I have to study for it and that's unnerving. (Maybe I should blog less?) I must admit, though, that I am not as panicky as I thought I would be right now. And that, too, unnerves me.
OK, basically everything unnerves me, so maybe I am more stressed than I realize.
And now I'll probably spend the majority of the weekend at Kaplan studying and doing problems. Working my big ol' butt off alleviates the stress.
I am having a mad, torrid affair with school. It's sick. Sick I tell you. When I am not studying, I am thinking about studying, or planning in my calendar the next time I will be alone with my precious books and studying some more. What do I do when I am not studying? Sleep. Even then I'm doing problems in my dreams. Like calculating the velocity of my dog, or her molecular weight (which makes no sense unless, of course, it's on a final exam that I am failing in my dream). Most people have interesting, exotic, surreal dreams. (Note: This is not an open invite to tell me about your long, involved trippy dream after a night of drinking tequila -- unless of course it involves me studying. Then I might be interested.). What do I have? Noturnal physics emmissions.
I am already worrying about what to do next Fall, since I'll technically be done with required course work. I was thinking of taking a biochemistry or neurobiology course to keep my brain going. Friends tell me to take the time off.
Something tells me that they'd be much better off if I was preoccupied. I don't think they want me hyperfocused on them. It only leads to the inevitable: a manifesto.
Yesterday I took the day of from work so that I could spend most of the day at Kaplan studying for the MCAT and also so I could meet with my pre-med advisor and update him on my progress thus far.
The meeting itself went quite well. If all goes according to plan, I will be working with him (volunteer; ~20 hours per week) this summer doing research in emergency medicine. Pretty cool! (so much for enjoying my last summer off ...)
The studying also went well. Not only did I accomplish a lot, but I am also feeling a bit more comfortable with the format of the exam -- reading 3-4 paragraph passages, and using my knowledge of physics, chemistry, organic chemistry, anatomy, physiology, biology and genetics to answer "what if" scenarios.
I've been prepping for about 10-15 hours a week since November, save a few weeks during the holidays where I did little to no work. Despite the constant prep on the science stuff, this is really a psychological battle. A 5-hour grueling mental marathon that determines my fate.
No pressure there.
I'm trying to work on my level of stress ... and not being too successful. I wish I could find an hour a day to get to the gym, but every free moment I have is dedicated to either Organic Chemistry or the MCAT. I felt the stress building all last week, and into this week. Joints aching, feeling very tired, drained and cranky.
However, I did get a good night's sleep the night before last, after dreaming about filling in tiny little bubbles on a Scan Tron sheet for 8 hours the night before that.
Even though it's not my style to relax, if I don't chill out soon, the wife is going to beat me. No, don't tell me to try breathing exercises -- they only make me light-headed. I refuse to take any chemical that falls under the controlled substance/narcotics family, so that's out.
Hmm. I know! I think I'll go shooting this weekend! Woohoo!
stinks. I got it all over my hands, and it's making me gag. Avoid it at all costs.
So yes, as you might have surmised, I am back from the first night of organic chemistry lab ... and no, I didn't blow anything up, send flammable liquids flying across the room or impale myself with the thermometer. Yet. There are still 10 weeks to go.
But damn, I am beat. All of this studying, animal healthcare quandaries and life issues are taking their toll on me, making me quite the irritable fuck. Yes, I can admit that even I have faults. Rare as they may be. But I do have them. And one is my ability to go from calm, cool, and collected to psychotic bitch without warning. (Well, the horns suddenly sprouting from my forehead might be considered a subtle clue.)
It's called stress, dear readers. So, you'll have to forgive me if I suddenly go off half cocked for no reason. I generally go back to my charming, sedate, warm and fuzzy self after a few minutes (shut up, Robyn). You know, once the proverbial hair has been plucked from my tender, plump and juicy ass.
And with that, I am off to bed. I need to rest my weary bones ... before one of the cats decides to vomit, eviscerate, or have a seizure.
I had all these plans.
As soon as I finished school, I was going to do all those things I've been meaning to do since July, but haven't had the time.
Read the stack of books that's been growing next to my bed. Answer old emails. New ones I have no problem getting to -- it's the ones that came to me months ago that I continue to ignore. See a few films (No, Rob, "Batthumb" does NOT count. But Istill want to see it. :) Go out to dinner. Listen to music without it being only a noise buffer for the endless chatter coming from my officemate. Sleep. Talk to friends. Brush up on my French. Gaze at the stars. Get caught up.
At first glance, it seems that all I've managed to do is drink excessive caffeine, torment the cats, email with a few choice people and mill about my office, pondering which book I should read first and why one of each pair of my socks have a hole in the toe. I've wasted 5 days. The horror of it.
Actually, I lie. It's not a horror at all. It's been wonderful.
I had dinner with old friends last night, and watched an episode of Carl Sagan's Cosmos. I've been trying to get through the whole series a bit at a time. It's fascinating, and warrants a lot of attention. I had a nice lunch with a new friend today, which reminded me why meeting new people can be one of life's great pleasures. And now, music is on in the house, with its sole purpose to soothe my nerves. As I gradually enter the panic phase of MCAT preparation, I am trying to enjoy every waking moment of freedom I have.
I leave for my first vacation in a year in 10 days. A much needed vacation. I am hoping to return decompressed, rejuvenated, relaxed, and tan.
The euphoria should last until the second the plane smacks down on the icy tarmac of JFK. No more. No less.
Well, I'm back from lab and didn't blow up anything today. Unfortunately. Labs are so boring when I don't screw something up. Where's the learning when everything goes smoothly?
Actually I quite enjoy my lab. The cool thing is, everytime I watch CSI on TV (my new favorite show, after ER, replacing Dawson's Ass Crack) I know all the equipment and techniques they are using, because we use the same thing in Orgo lab. IR spectroscopy, chromatography, separation techniques, etc. Not that I could catch a criminal by indentifying his DNA just yet. (Now that would be cool!) But I know how to use the lab equipment.
Several people have told me recently that I should go into forensic pathology. I don't know ... I mean, I don't mind the sight of decomposing bodies so much (now, there's something I bet you don't hear everyday) -- it's the smell that gets to me.
It could be interesting, though. But I do have a tendency to have nightmares, so perhaps it's not wise. Perhaps I should pick up some true crime novels and see ...
2 hours of football (playing, not watching) and a 4-hour MCAT diagnostic exam weren't enough to kick my ass yesterday. No. I had to write a lab report and prepare for another one tonight, so I added 6 more hours of mental stimulation to my already brutal day. I don't remember going to bed.
Actually, I think my brain may have fallen out of my head at some point during the transition from my office to my bedroom. If anyone finds it, please let me know. (And I already checked up my ass, so don't bother telling me to look there ...)
When I got home from work last night, there was a box at my front door from Kaplan, containing my MCAT study books – standard issue for everyone who takes the prep class. I was anxious to open it, and peruse the contents, but since I was heading into the city to spend the night at my sister’s, I threw the box into the trunk of my car, and left for Manhattan. Once we got to Karen’s apartment, we ate dinner, chatted, and about midnight, after a long, stressful (test-taking) day, I decided to open the box and see what exactly I was getting for my $1349. By the 4th phonebook sized study manual, my life had flashed before my eyes and I was seconds away from a full-fledged panic attack. At the bottom of the box, beneath 6 GIANT, onion-skin paper study guides, a 200+ page manual on how to TAKE the MCAT, and a packet filled with hundreds of flash cards was a letter from Kaplan. The first sentence simply read: “Do not be overwhelmed by the volume of material.”
These people at Kaplan have a sick, twisted sense of humor. Next thing you know, they’re going to tell me to “relax.”
Talk about a slap in the face by reality.
On Sunday I registered for a Kaplan MCAT review class. I take The Exam on April 26. I have been simultaneously fretting and preparing for this day for 3.5 years. Sure, it’s still 6 months away. But the fact that I registered for the class, and will soon have to register for the actual exam is just hitting me.
No, I am not freaking out. It just feels like it took forever to get this far, and I can’t believe it’s just down the road. The MCAT will be the great equalizer for me. My goal is to do well enough so I do not have to repeat it in August.
In January, I am going to sit for the GRE so I can start an MS/PhD program in neuroscience next September, while awaiting word on my med school applications. I am not even concerned about the GRE, oddly enough. I am pretty confident I will do well on that. Besides, I’ve already completed one master’s degree. Grad school, in my opinion, is a lot less tedious than undergrad, which has a lot more busy work than I care to do. They say (“they” being the existential “they”) you shouldn’t start a PhD program while applying to med schools because it looks bad if you drop out. Food for thought. But a terminal master’s program seems anticlimactic to me, especially when my ultimate goal is academic research and private practice.
Meanwhile… Organic Chem exam #2 is tomorrow morning, and I feel like I haven’t slept in days …
CH3CH2CH=CH2 + HCl --> CH3CH2CHClCH3
CH3CH2CH=CH2 + H2O + H2SO4 --> CH3CH2CHOHCH3 +H2SO4
Fascinating, isn't it?
Last week, the chairman of my company walked into my office and handed me 4 tickets to last night’s Yankee game. Sweet! Box seats, right by the 3rd base dugout. Paid parking. Stadium Club passes. And of course … I had lab. That’s what I get for saying how much fun I had last week. The Evil Forces are once again focused on me.
I gave the tix to Deb, Jack, my sister and Mr. Ragu so that they may go and have a good time for me. As much as I enjoy my orgo lab, I would have preferred to have been at a Yankee game, even if they lost. Especially last night.
My lab partner brought my threshold of patience to a whole new level. She could not read a thermometer. She could not figure out how to plug in a heating mantle. And ... she’s a bigger disaster than me.
Generally when I hear glass shattering in the lab, it’s almost always her. She is the reason why most university lab equipment is made of Pyrex. Last night, for some reason that only made sense to her, she decided to poke one of my flasks, which was delicately attached to my apparatus and while she asked me the inane “How did you get this thingy on there?” No sooner did the words spill out of her mouth, the flask came crashing down all over my lab bench. (It was not made of Pyrex.) I sighed and remarked “Well, that’s a moot question now, isn’t it?”
I cleaned up the broken shards of glass and refrained from forcing them down her throat, (the lab assistant was watching), and quickly set up a new flask just in time for my professor to wander over to check on my experiment. He’s one of those people who like to fuss with equipment. I don’t mind, as he has been paying a lot of attention to me in lab (general chit chat – we’re the same age, and I think the “kids” make him nuts). So when he decided to adjust the hose that was attached to the water source, I was glad to stand back and let him putter. Especially the 3 seconds just after he adjusted the water hose when I had a fountain of water spraying all over my lab bench. And him. And my lab partner, who just had to stick her nose in to see how you stick a hose onto a nozzle.
Ha.
I can tell I am going to like my organic chemistry lab ... I never liked general chem labs, as they were always about seeing and understanding reactions, and they were long. And boring. Physics labs were not too exciting either, but they were thankfully short. My bio labs were in fact long, but interesting when we were dissecting cool stuff, like sharks and snakes. The only other lab that was as interesting was microbiology, because we got to grow stuff, like mutant bacteria.
But organic chem lab ... sure it was long, but it was really interesting ... we get to make stuff. Last night I made acetanilide crystals. Acetanilide is an analgesic (pain killer), like aspirin or acetaminophen (Tylenol).
It's much better knowing beforehand how reactions work, and how certain compounds react with each other, and then, instead of focusing on the intermediate reactions, actually using that info to create something tangible. Sure, getting the proper reaction is necessary, but to actually make something useful, especially medicine ... now that's cool!
In a future lab, I get to work with chloroform -- you've probably seen it in the movies: It's an anaesthetic that's used to render people unconscious by evil villains. (No, you can't have any.) Whee!
I can't wait to see what we make next .. heh heh. (Deb may have to start hiding the chemicals in the house.)
My plans for world domination are starting to fall into place ...
Two weeks of fretting about this stupid lab, and I get there tonight and 4 out of the 12 students are no-shows. What the hell is wrong with people? They register for a class, fill it up to capacity, and then don't bother coming?
On top of that, the same guy that teaches the lab at my primary school also teaches the orgo lab at this (other) university. Same guy, same class, different school. Half of us are from the other school! Can someone tell me why he can't teach a night class at my primary school?
For god's sake. I'll never understand universities.
On a positive note, a good friend of mine is taking a class simultaneously as me, right down the hall, so I'll get to see her more often!
The final bonus is, the school store down the hall now sells Vanilla Coke. Wheee!
So how did you spend your last weekend of the summer? I spent mine cleaning my basement, weeding the garden, shredding old documents, and breaking my thumb, which, by the way, I refuse to have xrayed and casted because it's the hundreth time it's been broken. I'm over it already. It can stay swollen and sore for the next 6 weeks. I'm ignoring it. As far as I am concerned, it's nothing but negative attention seeking on the part of my thumb. It's a fat, stubby little hypochondriac.
We were going to drive up to Newport for a day, but this lovely New England weather put a damper on the plans. Not a big deal. We did manage to squeeze in 2 parties and dinner with friends. Oh yes, and we broke the motorcycle trying to redo the saddle bags. Jack is coming over tomorrow to rescue us. Whoever built this bike initially had something against nuts and bolts. The original parts are .. (refraining from saying screwed up) .. a royal pain in the ass.
School begins tomorrow. Still trying to get into the lab portion of this class, which I need. The night lab was closed, so now I am not registered for any lab because the geniuses at this school allow 32 students in a class, but only 12 in a lab. There are 4 classes and only three labs, which leaves a lot of people screwed out of the lab portion. (Do the math.)
In any event, taking notes tomorrow morning is going to be a challenge for the thumb-impaired. I can't grip a pen very well ...
Sigh.
5 weeks of busting my ass has paid off! I got my grades a little while ago, and got an A- in Chem!!! I was hoping for a B or better, so I am quite pleased with the result. Chemistry has not been my favorite subject, and I had been dreading part II, "the pre-med weed-out class," for 3 years. The 5-week intensive class seemed at the time to last for eternity. Now it seems as if it flew by...
I'm going home now, grabbing a beer, and relaxing for the rest of the weekend ... In a mere 10 days, I'll have yet another big fish to fry.
I'm done!!!!!! Damn it, that was a long final exam. Almost three hours of chemistry problem solving. My eyes were throbbing when I walked out of there. Headed right to my company's annual summer picnic, which was being held all afternoon. I was greeted by some colleagues handing me a much-needed beer. Illegal contraband at corporate functions are always a welcome surprise. (The beer was not part of the official picnic.)
Now I'm home, chilling, and my new saddlebags have arrived, so I've got more toys to play with for the next few weeks until the insanity begins anew.
... It feels like a summer Friday for me... I hope the rest of the week is as pleasant as this moment.
Taking a small break from .. what else. The "C" word. I must say, though, that after 3.5 days of this, I am not as cranky as expected. Since I've had the AC on all weekend, and my mood is level, I am not turning it on today. My electric bill is going to be astronomical as it is. Another bonus of east coast living. That, and this haze that settles in the sky for the entire month of August. Stargazers be damned.
I'm playing in my first softball game in over a month tonight, and I'll be damned if I can remember how to swing a bat. I played basketball on Saturday morning and "girl throws" were in abundance. If we win tonight, we head to the championship game next week. We're shooting for 6 in a row. I'm allowing myself to play because it could be the last game of the season for us. And who's to say what will be on tap next summer... with the wife job hunting and me filling out school apps.
Oh my! A breeze! I must go take advantage of it and get in the shower with the windows open.
Well, I'm done. Had the test, the lab, the lab final. Only one more lecture and my final exam next week.
And I don't even want a beer. It must be getting nipply somewhere in Hell...
It is so very, very strange that I dream of redox reactions, heat of fusion equations, equilibrium constants, and acid-base reactions. In my head during the night I am calculating the amount of energy to convert my dog into salt...
I have my last regular exam today, lab final exam tonight, and last class tomorrow. I'd have to say that the next 36 hours can't pass fast enough. While not the hardest thing I've ever done, this has certainly been one of most painful classes. Not painful as in hard - painful as in I've had a headache for 5 weeks. Too much reading and problem solving packed into a short time-frame. I'm looking forward to a relaxing 2 weeks until I begin again.
And, no, I don't regret a single moment of it.